I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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