I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
