I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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