I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize