and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
