sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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