You made me cry and you don't even care
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize