Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
