so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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