i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
