the condom got lost in my hair
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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