Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
two words: eviction party
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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