I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
