Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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