My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
