I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
