He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
