We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
