Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
