god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize