call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
