Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
