Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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