I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
