okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize