people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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