sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
