do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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