i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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