Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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