Pants 0. Shit 1.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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