we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
