Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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