We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize