it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
