We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
