I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
