I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
