Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have fence marks all over my body
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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