There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
