she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
