apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
