Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
