morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize