I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
