Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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