So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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