Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
