This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize