Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
