omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
