end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
