he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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