wanna go halves on a baby?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
