And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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