I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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