He had one of those small greek statue penises
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
