I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's rum buckets o'clock
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
