I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
