Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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