can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
