forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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