I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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