so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
