i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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