She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
