Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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