just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
