Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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