Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
