Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
