mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
