I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
