apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
