i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
