After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
