my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
