is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
