She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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