GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
