I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
