i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Let's get the cat blown out
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
