WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
