Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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