Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
