Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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