I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
