What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
