Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
ugly people sure do ruin things
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
