Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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