i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
