Small penises have feelings too.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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