I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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