Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
