peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
