Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
