Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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