Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
