I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
