dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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