i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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