i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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