My nipple is on Facebook.
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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