LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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