She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
