just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
