I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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