Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
