It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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