and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
