I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
