Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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