you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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