he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
