he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
