about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
