R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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