I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
