we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
