3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
im holly from the hills drunk
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
