while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
